October 2007

[Marc Franco]

Saturday, October 20

Raw Thursday!

So we are getting soooo tired of writing about TRASH-tastic Jade’s mess of a love life but you people are still terribly interested in this train wreck… so, with reluctance, we will fulfill your addiction. Thursday night, the TRASH-tastic One was at the bar in the Red Dragon Inn with the often dumped Michale. We’re POSITIVE that Jade has broken up with him at least a half a dozen times. Yet, there he was begging for her to come back. Some men never learn.

Lydia was chatting up DoD-er Rena about expanding her business ventures. Iiiiiinteresting, no? What do you guess it might be? An alteration and tailoring shop? A sports bar? A porn store? We’re DYING to know?

HEIFER Jewell just can’t keep her promise to stay at sea! Blah! She was seen at the bar with her usual humility and charm. GAG US!!! She was, of course, flirting with a man and talking up her importance and advising him that she was an Empress. She’s totally PSYCHO!!! We think she might actually believe that she is some sort of empress.

To make us feel better, we’ll talk about our favorite DeAusters!!! Daniel brought in his looooovely sister, Cieara, in for a drink and the pair continued to make us droooool with their HUMILITY AND CHARM!!! Perhaps one of these days their class will rub off on HEIFER Jewell. In the mean time, we will continue to be in awe of their RAW HAWTNESS!!

[Marc Franco]

Sunday, October 21

Boy Toy Friday!

Our sources were thrilled to report back to us about the events that took place in the early evening hours of Friday night in the Inn! They tell us that Tucker appeared a mess of emotions when Doc Eva walked through the day!!! And when Mercy asked him if Eva was his “lass”, Giant Tucker turned a SPECTACULAR shade of red!!! We looooove this pairing!

Mercy seems to be spending quite a bit of time these days with tall, good-looking Peredhil!!! Perhaps her broken-heart has been soothed since Pelnar’s loss and she’s ready to move on! We sure hope so. Mercy sure could use some loving! And who better than Peredhil???

G’naughy G’nort and The Gov Kitty were AGAIN seen hanging out together and AGAIN seen leaving together!!! You’ve got to be kidding us!!! This pair together has the ego to smother the entire city and the combined sexual energy that leaves us feeling the sort of dirty that no amount of showers can save us from. Say it ain’t so, Gov!

Speaking of unusual pairings leaving together, DoD-er Rena was seen having a very private in-depth conversation with Soerl and then later headed out with him!!! Our sources think that these two make much better sense than Rena and Boy Toy Val. We shall see but we do believe that they are quite cute together!!!

Black Book Special Jaycy must have run out of married men in her Dockside District as she showed up in the Arena to look for new talent…. and to get a duel in, of course! Friday night’s unsuspecting victim? Her old friend Rand! Jaycy certainly had him distracted in the ring! She took a solid win as Rand spent most of the match admiring her legs. Unfortunately for Jaycy, she didn’t hook this one. He moved on to the next Baroness waiting for a duel — Aya. Poooor Succubus Jaycy!

[Marc Franco]

Sunday, October 21

Mistress vs Wife Kiss-Off Saturday!

UUUUURRRRRGH! Alright! That’s it! Our sources come back more confused than ever after an encounter with Deadbeat Dad Alex and The Other Woman (…or is she now the Other OTHER Other woman???) Lain… and that’s just what happened again Saturday night after they were spotted together in the Red Dragon Inn! It’s like the pair talks in their own special language. Our sources can NEVER figure it out! However, since they seem to be spending soooo much time together, we’re just going to go ahead and deem them an “official” couple once again! So congratulations, The Other OTHER Other Woman Lain for stealing D.D. Alex back again!

Oooooooh! Carley’s going to be cranky! Lydia was again spotted spending time with Carley’s Hunky Carpenter Glenn Saturday night. Is it just us or is anybody else just dyyyyying to see Carley lay some serious smack down on Lydia?!?!

G’naughty G’nort was in the basement Arena whining about his slump which includes getting shut out in his intercession against Overlord Cletus and dropping SIX straight duels!!! HA HA HA HA!!! That should teach him. Maybe if he’d lay off sleeping with all the womens, he might have a bit of mojo left for dueling!

Interestingly enough, G’naughty G’nort’s wife Kaja did make an appearance and even got to meet G’naughty G’nort’s mistress Alex! ….And immediately the two women started kissing!!! WHAT?!?! Yep, you read that right. Kissing. Only in G’nort’s world would the meeting between his wife and his mistress go so swimmingly.

[Marc Franco]

Monday, October 22

SPOTTED Sunday!

We are now proud to present your SIXTEENTH Rhydin edition of the often duplicated yet unequaled –

SPOTTED:

- Piper overheard telling DoD-er Rena and WHORE-acious Erin that she is marrying Stitch and that they’re having a litter of Jackalettes. Stitch, according to our sources, appeared more than a little overwhelmed! We have attempted to assure our sources that Piper was being sarcastic but they are sticking to their guns!!! We still don’t buy it and believe Piper was making a funny!!! ….but we only report the gossip so you’ll have to decide for yourselves!

- Phillipe all gaga over his new girlfriend AJ who he is DESPERATELY in love with (Gag us with a spoon!) . He seemed in heaaaaven when she threatened to kick some drunks’ rear ends for fighting in the Inn. What is with the men of this city? Why are they soooo into over aggressive women?

- WHORE-acious Erin being decent for a change by tending to poor, sweet Kacey who somehow broke her hand in the chaotic crowd that Erin, who was tending bar, just couldn’t seem to keep under control.

- some Alex-on-Alex action!!! The male Alex was seen kissing the female Alex and then the female Alex was seen kissing the male Alex’s partner in crime — The Other OTHER Other Woman Lain! Deadbeat Dad Alex reaaaally has something special. We have no idea what it is but he’s sure got a pull with the ladies! Kissing Bandit Alex does as well!!! Her lips have been on half the patrons of the Inn and Arena!

- SMASHING Issy enjoying a bowl of soup and some bread. She seemed a bit introverted and spent her meal watching the crowd. That poor woman always seems to have a lot on her mind!

- TRASH-tastic Jade being her usual trashy self! Not only was she letting her young daughter hang out at the bar for an extended period of time but she proceeded to have a long talk with Michale about her love troubles with Gabe RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER! Le sigh. That kid’s probably already screwed up.

- Daniel introducing a lovely dark-haired woman named Sorcha around to the Inn’s patrons as a “family friend”. We don’t believe that for a HAWT MINUTE!!! Those two appeared awfully chummy!

- G’naughty G’nort looking like he’d just taken a big bite of sour candy when WHORE-acious Erin told him that she’d hired Alain and Robert to be a part of the TDL team that the pair co-own!!! We’re so EXCITED about TDL season!!! We can barely contain ourselves!

- A breathless Soerl rushing into the basement Annex to tell DoD-er Rena that he was concerned for Topaz as there was a man looking for Topaz and her husband Lucien. DoD-er Rena didn’t seem all that concerned and assured Soerl that Lucien is bad ass enough to take care of whatever threat might be looming. We HEART Rena!

- Wyh Not brushing off the rust from her magic spells during Fight Night in the Annex! It’s so good to see her in a ring again!

[Marc Franco]

Monday, October 22

Confuzzled Monday!

You know what? Despite ourselves, we’re almost starting to like Rhy’s silliness! But don’t you dare tell anyone else that we told you that!!! Rhy was seen in the Red Dragon Inn Monday night with some awfully bright purple hair and, while certainly a questionable fashion decision, she sure does seem to make Brandon happy!

Speaking of people who we didn’t like but are starting to grow on us, our sources spotted Johnny mixing drinks for folks out of the kindness of his heart! He made SPLENDIFEROUS Kairee a concoction which she certainly seemed to love! Who doesn’t love a man who can mix a mean drink??? In this city with as much drinking as the women do, it’s the equivalent of a man that can cook!

Now our sources SWEAR on everything holy as to the facts on the next little bit but…. well, wow. Evidently Kissing Bandit Alex laid quite the lip smack on Alain in the Outback Monday night which turned Lassie Cassie ABSOLUTELY red with rage!!! Lassie Cassie yanked Kissing Bandit Alex away and threw a punch outside the ring (…a big “no-no” in the dueling world). Then, believe it or not, DoD-er Charlie stepped in to SAVE Alex. We were absolutely positive that our sources had it wrong. After all, isn’t Charlie supposed to be the bad guy and Cassie the good guy??? And hasn’t Alain been seen spending time with Charlie, not Cassie??? We are just thoroughly confuzzled!!!

Later in the night, Cassie and Alain were seen headed upstairs in the Inn with The Gov Kitty. Man, The Gov’s sexual exploits need a blog of their very own.

In the Outback, Our DoD-er Evie was overheard claiming she was pregnant. Now we definitely don’t buy this one… or at least we’re praying that it’s not true. Can you imagine Our DoD-er Evie and Brale Brother Baker as parents??? We shudder at the thought!

[Marc Franco]

Monday, October 22

Equally Psycho Tuesday!

SPLENDIFEROUS Kairee was seen Tuesday night spending a bit of time with a dueling regular Daryl!!! He certainly appeared quite attentive to her needs. He invited her to spend a bit of “alone time” with him and the pair were seen leaving together to get to know each other a little better! Cue the knocking the boots music!

Wow! Now this is scary! Bloody Psycho Sera has been seen looking quite green around the gills lately and Tuesday night she was seen rushing for the bathroom!!! Also, Tuesday night a sparkling diamond ring was seen gracing her left ring finger and her man Equally Psycho Brian was seen beaming! Could she be pregnant??? Are they engaged??? What is this city coming to???

Blue-Haired Fiend Harris was spotted on the shores of Twilight Island early in the evening and then the Outback later in the evening bothering anyone and everyone because that’s what Harrises do best!!! Somebody needs to find his wife. We think he needs a good beating to get him back in line and she seems to be the only one who can do it!

[Marc Franco]

Monday, October 22

Rehab is Calling, Wednesday!

Le sigh. TRASH-tastic Jade will never change. We truly hoped that motherhood would make her at least a semi-classy woman but she still FAILS at… well, life. Enabler Brandon didn’t even seemed surprised when his completed wasted friend fell on the floor. REHAB IS CALLING, JADE!!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!! She went on to tell anybody who would listen that she used to be a stripper and offered to dance for them. For Pete’s sake! This is someone’s mother!

Darren was overheard asking The Gov Kitty the burning question on every man’s mind. The question? We’re too well-mannered to state it. The answer? Well, alright. 34 D.

Speaking of Darren, it seems that he and that little blonde twin Sugar are still going strong. In fact, he was trying to talk her into getting a tattoo at the tattoo and piercing parlor that he and Dakota are in the process of opening up. Sugar, RUN AWAY! As fast as you can! Really, this is the last time we’re going to warn you!

Vinny and Bran were spotted in the Outback chatting about the upcoming Diamond Quest which they both plan on entering! That should definitely be an interesting night! Diamond Quests are ALWAYS good for lots of gossip and lots of the dueling venues’ best getting drunk and hanging out!

[Marc Franco]

Monday, October 22

SPLENDIFEROUS Thursday!

We HEART seeing Panther behind the bar! He’s so darn yummy! In the early evening hours Thursday, Big Boss Cat-Man Panther was behind the bar slinging drinks in the Red Dragon Inn! As usual, The Gov Kitty was present to leer. It is, after all, what she does best! To make the yummy factor even better, Panther was relieved behind the bar by Man-errific Tucker! Drool-icious!

Beowulf seemed to be making friends with The Gov Kitty until she got an attitude when he suggested some sort of monetary exchange for sex! It seems the Gov was offended. Psh! Don’t you know, Beowulf?!?! She’ll give it away to any and all for free!!! Beowulf eased his sorrows with some snappy conversation with SPLENDIFEROUS Kairee! The pair seemed quite taken with one another. She’s certainly keeping her options open, no???

There was lots of dueling happening in the basement Arena!!! The Duel of Swords Supervisor Chris G. was getting rid of a bit of rust. Perhaps he’s gearing up for the TDL season??? We hear that his family’s Wrecking Crew will be returning this year!!! WHORE-acious Erin and Mini Frank Cor were also both seen in the Annex! The pair are supposedly on an as-of-yet unnamed team that will be co-owned by Erin and G’naughty G’nort!!!

Yay for TDL season!!!

[Marc Franco]

Tuesday, October 23

Overheard Around Town!

- “Blue hair means yer nuts. Green hair means yer too uptight. Or something I guess.” Ooooh, the gems that come from Carley’s mouth!

- “This would be more entertaining if we were in chocolate sauce instead of mud. Or possibly mustard. Mustard is an underrated condiment. ” We sometimes wonder if even Harris knows what he’s talking about.

- “Maybe if you ask Xeno politely he’ll sign your Duel of Swords collectible card or his “Wizards of Rhy’din” card. He does love to have his ego stroked that way.” Only Kairee has the nerve to talk like that in front of Xeno! That’s why we HEART her!

- “Some marry fer wealth, I married fer violence.” So says FLAWLESS Koy. And she’s supposedly the “classy” DoD-er.

- “What? Was that over the line? I get so confused over where the line actually is. Everyone has their cross to bear in life, I suppose.” DoD-er Charlie in response to Erin shooting her a glare for threatening to make Cassie drink out of a straw for three months.

- “I call Moe!” Our DoD-er Evie when Lang called her, Brale Brother Baker, and TRASH-tastic Jade RhyDin’s version of the Three Stooges.

- “It’s nice hair, it’s just the wrong color. Warmer colors are needed for cold climates to stand out.” Elly’s stance on blue hair. We HEART her sage fashion advice!

- “I’m sure you already scare children enough. You’ll probably get all the candy in the neighborhood this year. You’ll even win the “My Face is My Costume” contest.” Harris continues to cause trouble while being ABSOLUTELY hilarious!

- “I met Gustavus’ wife! And she knows an amazing amount about sex.” So said Alex about the sex-tacular Kaja!

- “Mmm.. pillage? I hear that is back in fashion this week. I hear down near the docks, it’s pillage one ship - get one free.” We love when Panther gets all witty!

[Marc Franco]

Tuesday, October 23

Funny Friday!

The comedy relief came early Friday night in the Red Dragon Inn! Brale Brother Baker and OUR DoD-er Evie were doing what they do best — drinking ale and making the other patrons laugh (either with them or at them… we don’t think they care which). Evie and Baker are still claiming that Evie’s pregnant and we’re still praying that they’re pulling our legs. Even TRASH-tastic Jade, Lang, and The Gov Kitty seemed a bit appalled at the idea of this pair reproducing!

And then the night took an even odder turn (if that is at all possible) when Baker proposed to Eve using a rubber washer as a ring. The pair then immediately began talking about creating their gift registry.

….there aren’t many times when we just don’t know what to type but we must admit that this is one of those times. We suppose congratulations are in order… but, honestly, we’ll believe it when we see Evie walking down the aisle with an ale mug instead of a bouquet and the pair performing brale/dale in front of a minister instead of the ring exchange. Either way, we better get an invite to this shindig!!!

We last reported that Cutie Savannah was seen hanging out with Jason A. and it seems that she was quite taken by him! She was overheard by our sources spilling to Phillipe about just how “amazing” it was to be kissed by Jason A.!!! PUPPY LOVE ALERT!!! Too freaking cute!!!

Evie and Baker weren’t the only ones celebrating! Icer was surrounded by friends as she celebrated her birthday!!! It appears that TRASH-tastic Jade seemed to believe that she needed to do the drinking for her friend. Jade proceeded to get utterly WASTED while her on-again/off-again man, Gabe, looked on glumly. Icer didn’t seem to mind. She was too thrilled by the BEAUTIFUL necklace that her hubby Aurthur got her! Wives are so easy to please on their birthdays if you know the one simple rule to giving them gifts. Expensive jewelry = Everlasting love! Men! Learn it! Love it! Live it!

Dueling in the basement Arena started off with a hilarious twist as well!!! Baron of the Seaside District Damien faced off against Baroness of Dragon’s Gate Aya with Mini Frank Cor calling!!! Let us tell you, this was a battle of complete opposites! Tough, straight-laced Aya did not seem to find drunkard Damien the least bit amusing!!! She was even unhappier when she only managed to put one point on the board against the stumbling wino!

Really, it was a night of comedy! Shame on you for not being out to witness it!

[Marc Franco]

Tuesday, October 23

Overheard Around Town - The Baker and Evie Edition!

- “Baker.. and Eve.. are spawning? Please tell me this is a joke. Contraceptives… I must start handing out free ones… soon.” The Gov Kitty’s take on Baker and Eve reproducing.

- “Oh god, I had vale once. But I was young and in college.” Our DoD-er Evie admitted in the Inn. Don’t know what vale is? Just think about it for a minute. It’ll come to you…. Got it? Sad that you didn’t go to Evie’s college? Yeah, us too.

- “Can we have a midget preside over the wedding!?” So asks Baker.

- “I’m just glad that if she is knocked up, I’m not the father.” G’naughty G’nort’s oh so CLASSY take on Eve being knocked up.

- “Or an Uncle! I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl!” Evie to fellow DoD-er Rena in response to Rena mentioning that she would be an aunt to this baby.

- “Who to feel sorry for here? The kid or Rhy’Din?” Lang on the subject of Baker and Evie reproducing.

- “Yeah, and then back to yer place…we should have all the fun we can now before you get all bulbous and whiney.” Are we the only ones surprised that Baker can use the word “bulbous” in conversation?

- “I’m gonna give him a gift certificate for a free neutering..” The Gov Kitty on the present she was planning to bring to Baker and Evie’s baby shower.

- “Besides…what’s the big deal about parenting anyway? They get hungry, you give em a Twinkie.. They cry…you leave… They crap themselves, you put them in the yard and turn on the garden hose….” Baker’s take on parenting. OMG! We wet ourselves!

- ” If you think I’m poppin’ out yer booze runner without you gettin’ me a ring you got another thing comin’! I can cross my legs and hold it a really long time, man!” Evie to Baker on getting married before the baby pops out. We just don’t even know what to say anymore!!!

- “You know…boy or girl..it really doesn’t matter….the important thing is that it gives us a tax deduction.” Baker. These just keep getting better and better!

[Marc Franco]

Tuesday, October 23

Tall, Dark, and Furry Saturday!

TRASH-tastic Jade and her equally classless friend Casidy started Saturday night the same way Jade ended Friday night — in the Inn drinking waaaaaay too much. This is somebody’s mother, people!!! Her life has turned into SUCH the train wreck!!! Gabe was again present but he certainly didn’t appear happy with her behavior. We’ve got a bet down that he doesn’t put up with this much longer!!!

Panther was spotted behind the bar in the Inn again slinging drinks and keeping the patrons happy! Man, is that HAWT!!! We like our tenders tall, dark, and furry!!!

Our sources were a bit distracted from their Panther gawking as Soerl came in with Savannah. There was nothing too lovey dovey about the couple but they did have a looooong conversation. Is Savannah forgetting those “amazing” kisses already???

The basement Arena was huuuumming with duels Saturday night and G’naught G’nort was the caller on duty! G’nort spent some time flirting with Frenchy AJ… which really, in itself, isn’t a big surprise but AJ was pretty flirty in return!!! We’re thinking that her man Phillipe might be a bit hot under the collar over this!!!

SPLENDIFEROUS Kairee and her new “friend” Beowulf were again spotted together! This time they were hanging out and flirting in the Arena! Kairee certainly knows how to keep her options open. We’re quite certain that her man servant Julien will have something to say about this!

The lovely but poorly named Hodge caught the eye of a old-time duelist in Rix!!! He actually stuck around for a couple hours to attempt to seduce her with some bad pick-up lines. No go!!! We don’t think Hodge was thrilled with Rix. No worries. We’re sure he has a half dozen dueling groupies to keep his bed warm at night!!!

[Marc Franco]

Wednesday, October 23

CLOCKED Sunday!

Sunday night in the Inn wasn’t nearly as crazy busy as it was the week prior! WHORE-acious Erin tended bar in the evening hours and was later replaced by her much more…. sane counter part Eless later in the evening. WHORE-acious Erin was overheard making some plans for celebrating Lydia’s upcoming birthday! We hear she will turn 23 on November 4th!

Speaking of Lydia, she just can’t keep her hands off Cute Carley’s man!!! She was seen with her hand on Hunky Carpenter Glenn’s shoulder while the pair seemed to have an intimate conversation!!! Wowza! We warned Grem. It’s his fault for not listening. He should have put a ring on that woman’s finger a loooooong time ago.

Jake was NOT happy to overhear Robert calling Eless uptight (HOW DARE HE!) and WHORE-acious Erin a slut (Well…. DUH)!!! Eless attempted to give Robert a stern talking to but Jake was more interested in doing the sort of talking that Robert is used to — talking with his fists! Jake CLOCKED Robert AND got the girl!!! Our sources say that Erin and Jake were spotted chitchatting on the porch and there was even the suggestion that a kiss may have been exchanged!

With many of of the city’s finest athletes participating in or watching the Diamond Quest in the Outback, Fight Night in the Annex was a bit light on action as well! Our sources did spot the ADORABLE Savannah hanging out with the new late night Sunday caller — Soerl! It seems Jason A. is OUT and Soerl is IN! Nice work, Soerl! You deserve a pat on the back for landing that little beauty!

[Marc Franco]

Wednesday, October 23

Diamond Quest!

Oh, where to begin? Where to begin??? We HEART Diamond Quests because it is SUCH a gathering of the dueling venues’ most iiiiinteresting duelists! This one was no disappointment!

Artemus scored big brownie points in our book! He took quite the beating from Gork in the early rounds but humbly shrugged it off! We love good sports who don’t take themselves too seriously!!! We may have to stop bashing him so much in this blog…. NAAAAAAH!

RhyDin’s HAWTEST Dueling MWLF Caedia showed up to cheer on her husband — RhyDin’s SEXIEST Dad Kheldar! These two are devastatingly sexy and if the little one that they had along with them is any indication they make some DARN CUTE babies!!! ….And they’ve certainly made a handful of them!

Our sources tell us G’naughty Woman-Abusing G’nort seemed particularly happy to see Caedia out and about. She’s taken some extended time away from dueling since the birth of her latest batch of kids. We told our sources that he was gloating! Despite the commonly held opinion that Caedia would not return to TDL this season, league insiders are now saying that she may have signed on for ANOTHER year with one of the TWO TDL teams that G’nort is fielding this season!

….We can’t help but wonder what sort of blackmail he’s holding over her head.

While DoD-er FLAWLESS Koy faltered in the ring, she was looking viciously fashionable while doing so! Her outfit, we’re told, was straight from her line of active wear called Ruling Body! She was dressed in a sporty cream colored fleece jacket that was belted at the waist and covered the top of her simple black leggings. A pair of wild orchid flats added a little extra color to the outfit! We must step away to wipe the drool from our chin.

It seems that Alain and DoD-er Charlie are DEFINITELY over!!! Charlie was seen looking particularly thrilled to have Tareth, her on-again/off-again… well, whatever, around. And our sources claim that they overheard him advising his friends that he has quit the job he had that was taken him out of town and is now back in RhyDin for good!!! By the looks the pair were exchanging, it seems the he’s picked things up right where he left off!!!

…Alain did make an appearance towards the end of the night and we’re told he was shot some scaaaaary looks by Tareth!!! Wouldn’t this be so much more amusing if Lassie Cassie now tried to seduce Tareth to get back at DoD-er Charlie??? That would make this Love Triangle sooooo much more interesting!

Enough of the gossip, though! The dueling itself was quite entertaining! However, two leaders quickly emerged from the small but awfully talented pool — the Lizard Bran and experienced duelist Gork! Bran has made quite the name for himself very quickly and Gork hasn’t been in the ring much in recent months. However, it was Gork who slammed through the competition to take home the title of Diamond for this cycle! Not a bit of rust on his dueling skillz!

Congratulations, Gork!

[Marc Franco]

Thursday, October 25

BUUUUUURN Monday!

We made an appearance in the early hours of Monday evening in the Red Dragon Inn! And we were thrilled to see some of our favorite smiling faces!!! …And we were smooooched by Kissing Bandit Alex!!! Is this some sort of new right of passage that someone forgot to tell us about???

Savannah is such a lovely girl! Our sources informed us that earlier in the day AJ told her that Jason A was back and was looking for her. Savannah seemed pretty clear that she was DONE with him and she didn’t change her tune when we questioned her in regards to the same subject matter. Savannah EXCLUSIVELY told us that she and Soerl are DATING!!! That Soerl sure moves fast!!!

Speaking of lovely girls, we are falling for Savannah’s friend Frenchy AJ as well. She has DELICIOUS DRAMA QUEEN written all over her!!! Her boyfriend Phillipe sure seems to be a pill. We think she can do better! This relationship has a very short shelf life!

During our short visit to the Inn we were also THRILLED to get an up close look at Our DoD-er Evie’s gooooorgeous engagement ring! It was very…. rubbery! We DEMAND an invite to this wedding! DEMAND, we say! DEMAND!

We’re told that Piper spent a bit of time with a delightful man named Elliot… who sure knows how to wield a makeup brush! He gave Piper quite the make over according to our sources. However, we can’t believe them. How could you POSSIBLY make Piper any more loooovely than she already is?!?!? Elliot was offering his services to men and women alike. No word if he has a shop where you can seek out a make over of your own but we’ll keep an ear out!!!!

Ooooooh! In the Outback, Sartan was overheard asking WHORE-acious Erin how old she was. When she responded with “21″, he said he didn’t believe her and that she looked at least 30! BUUUUUURN!!! Sartan just got MAJOR brownie points in our book!!! It certainly doesn’t hurt that he’s a major, major, major fox!

Was WHORE-acious Erin a bit jealous when Jake was spending time with Hodge??? We don’t know but our sources did see her glancing over at the table where the two were hanging out!!! If you remember correctly, Jake stood up for Erin the night prior and there were even rumors of a kiss. However, Jake seemed quite taken Monday night with the dark-haired beauty with an unfortunate name! We REALLY like the idea of Jake and Hodge together! That would be adorable! Hodge is certainly collecting an array of male admirers!